Children

I was a new Christian when I had children, barely able to grasp the messages of the cross and understand how to allow Him to live His life through me. As a result, the struggles in raising children were indeed a struggle for me. I, as most people, copied my parents and their methods. Unaware of my heavenly Father's parent instructions, my oldest suffered the most. She was about four before I came across verses and teachers, like Dobson to name one, who helped me see the light.

Ephesians tells us to not exasperate our children. What's that mean? When I coupled this with other verses like the love chapter in Corinthians, or Proverbs that talks about discipline, I finally captured a better picture. However, the best example of being a loving parent came from watching my daughter interact with her children, years later (I must have done something right).

Exasperate means not to expect your children to be, do, think or act above their ability. Have you noticed how we expect them to be carbon copies of us? How we expect them to be adults in little bodies? They are children -- immature, emotional, undisciplined children, who require patience and space. Even adults act like children, so why can't children act like children?
Maybe our expectations of them are too high. There is a difference between encouragement that believes in them and an expectation level that puts pressure on them. A simple phrase like I think you can do that is much better than I expect you to do this, now. And if they act immature and do not respond, give them a break...back off a little, they are immature still.

Exasperation also includes a lack of respect. We often think because they are small, can not talk, walk or think as an adult that they are lesser human beings and we treat them like rugrats (a phrase I dislike but seems to be popular now and then). Children are people. They need encouragement. They need a kind word, honor, respect, appreciation, acknowledgement, a place and position in the family that shows value. They are not an appendage or a decoration in our life so we look good. Nor are they to be treated unkind when they make us look bad.

Exasperation includes harsh discipline. Discipline needs to be age appropriate. Each child is different. If you want your child to listen to you, then meet their need first and listen to them. I did spank, but after a few teachings, and watching my daughter, I strongly disagree with this method. I believe the rod, as the Bible calls it, is to raise them in the word. In other words, love them into trust. If a child feels accepted, valued and loved they will seek approval and trust in their parent's direction. That is how God deals with us. He loves us into discipline. Notice what happens when we, as His children, discover grace. We want to please Him, we are just too immature to live as He directs. That is the same with our children. They are too immature. Once harsh discipline has been applied for a long period of time, trust is lowered, anger and resentment begins and you have lost the game for years into the future.

The final and most important thing about children is similar to a phase I heard in that old movie Sound of Music. They just want to be loved Captain, just love them. Most children know when they are loved. It comes through our touch, voice tone, attitude and actions toward them. They pick up on what they see and feel, more than what we say. The phrase monkey see, monkey do applies here. They will talk, act, think and become who we are. If we want respect, we need to give them respect, if we want nice language, give out nice language, if we want honesty, no lying, kindness, faith then we need to model these things. Also, what we feel inside will transfer to them. If we live in fear, prejudice, low self-image, worry and the like, they will follow suit.

Yes it is a big job. After all we are given the privilege to shape character, to influence another person to be like Jesus. That means we need to follow Him and His example to us.